Communication black hole

Do you feel like you’re talking into a black hole? You’re not sure if it will swallow and spit out what you say.

Or maybe your words will somehow disappear?

Communication should be simple. You speak. A person hears you and then responds. But, for some reason, it is hard with a romantic partner or spouse.

It should be simple.

But, each person has fallen into their own black holes. They return to the surface with new code.

Meaning each person has had different experiences communicating.

For some directness has been programed to be abrasive. In their family of blackholes, mom or dad would never say what they thought.

God forbid if they did, then the family solar system would be thrown out of wack.

In another family constellation you had to speak over one another to be heard. That programing is not sensitive to pausing or collecting your thoughts. It was speak or be spoken at.

A black hole is like a cosmic trapdoor.

Anything that falls in is gone forever. Not even light can escape. But here’s something interesting: black holes can fade over time.

They do this by emitting Hawking radiation. This is a special radiation named after Stephen Hawking.

Why am I telling you this?!

Because as a black hole disappears, the big mystery is what happens to what it swallowed?

According to Universal law, information does not just vanish. It includes details of stars and planets. So if the black hole vanishes, where did it go?

Scientists don’t know. Black holes are a mystery, but relationships are not. I don’t know a lot about quantum Physics. But, I can tell you how to stay safe from being swallowed by a communication black hole.

There are 3 main principles. They let you share desires without triggering your partner’s defensiveness or shutdown. Simple, but not easy!

The first is knowledge. You have to know how to speak without blaming or talking about the other person.

It’s about sharing yourself when you speak and then you have to be able to get feedback. You have to know how to elicit or bring out the information from another person.

I have a description of both initiating and inquiring.

Leave me a line or comment at the bottom of this article and I will send that to you.

The second principle is willingness. If you have the knowledge of relationships and communicating (ie speaking and listening), but don’t apply it. Danger Will Robinson!

Maybe your partner hurt your feelings. They did this by miscommunicating. And you are not willing to help fix it.

Black hole!

The last one is about conviction. I have committed myself to being a relationship visionary.

This means that my deepest aspiration is to put the relationship above myself. If you do this it doesn’t mean that you are only concerned about your partner. It means the relationship is the priority.

These 3 ideas are like sides of a triangle. They warn and protect. They prevent shouting into an empty void. They stop getting sucked in without uttering a word.

Are you interested in learning the tools to share your desires, hopes, and beliefs? You can do it without triggering your partner’s old defensiveness or shut down.

Follow my writings. They will help you solve issues that work for you and your partner.